segunda-feira, julho 11, 2011
BJ/AJ part 2
I said Soraya would continue, but here I am again. So Bear with me, dearests. On the last post I wrote about a few things that have changed since I left Brazil. Here's much more to improve the list and maybe give you guys a preview of how your life will change, how you'll end up shaken by a strong tornado and turned inside out, discovering and recreating yourself.
Before Jersey (BJ) I liked kids. I liked working and taking care of them. After Jersey (AJ), I realized I absolutely love'em. Especially my three. Before working as a an au pair I can say I've never had a job I did with so much pleasure and devotion,that took so much responsibility and care. But then again, I owe it to a boy and twin girls.
I love them in a way that I can't explain. I can say I thought I knew what love was and how easy and unpretentious it felt to love my family, for example. I had to, because they're family, and with that type of love you get used to it. AJ, it still amazes me, even after over 3 years with my crew, how my heart expanded to fit my kids and how much love grew inside of me, just for them, as if they were mine. How I can watch them sleep, how awful I feel when they're upset, how I can say no for their own good while holding a lump in my throat because I feel guilty, how I cheer and feel incredibly proud when they achieve something, whether first or tenth place,whether reading a whole harry potter book or writing a word correctly, whether hitting a baseball or jumping off a high dive, and even how I get sad when they go on vacation and I don't go because my family wants to give me a week off, and all I can think is that I'll miss them. I can spend hours writing you how my heart overflows when they are around. In a way, my way, they are mine.
But I want to have my own children. Even more intensively than I did BJ. Although life's leading me to believe that is not going to happen. It scares me when I think that, but I have faith enough to read through God's lines and see why I ended up in Jersey. It's a soul (and solo) journey to make me endure if I can't have kids.
After my au pair years, I understood a lot more about friendship. I've written here about how some people I met became my family, about how much more appreciation I have for my friends at home and how I am what they are. However, I also learned, hardly, that you won't connect with everybody, even though you might want to. Not every girl or boy you meet will not become a friend. A colleague, if you're lucky; an enemy, because that's life.
Be ready, because even in the au pair world, it's all about meeting the right people, at the right time, always (always!) knowing who you are.
Postado por Bee of Jupiter às 8:16 AM