segunda-feira, julho 11, 2011

BJ/AJ part 2

I said Soraya would continue, but here I am again. So Bear with me, dearests. On the last post I wrote about a few things that have changed since I left Brazil. Here's much more to improve the list and maybe give you guys a preview of how your life will change, how you'll end up shaken by a strong tornado and turned inside out, discovering and recreating yourself.

Before Jersey (BJ) I liked kids. I liked working and taking care of them. After Jersey (AJ), I realized I absolutely love'em. Especially my three. Before working as a an au pair I can say I've never had a job I did with so much pleasure and devotion,that took so much responsibility and care. But then again, I owe it to a boy and twin girls.

I love them in a way that I can't explain. I can say I thought I knew what love was and how easy and unpretentious it felt to love my family, for example. I had to, because they're family, and with that type of love you get used to it. AJ, it still amazes me, even after over 3 years with my crew, how my heart expanded to fit my kids and how much love grew inside of me, just for them, as if they were mine. How I can watch them sleep, how awful I feel when they're upset, how I can say no for their own good while holding a lump in my throat because I feel guilty, how I cheer and feel incredibly proud when they achieve something, whether first or tenth place,whether reading a whole harry potter book or writing a word correctly, whether hitting a baseball or jumping off a high dive, and even how I get sad when they go on vacation and I don't go because my family wants to give me a week off, and all I can think is that I'll miss them. I can spend hours writing you how my heart overflows when they are around. In a way, my way, they are mine.

But I want to have my own children. Even more intensively than I did BJ. Although life's leading me to believe that is not going to happen. It scares me when I think that, but I have faith enough to read through God's lines and see why I ended up in Jersey. It's a soul (and solo) journey to make me endure if I can't have kids.
After my au pair years, I understood a lot more about friendship. I've written here about how some people I met became my family, about how much more appreciation I have for my friends at home and how I am what they are. However, I also learned, hardly, that you won't connect with everybody, even though you might want to. Not every girl or boy you meet will not become a friend. A colleague, if you're lucky; an enemy, because that's life.

Be ready, because even in the au pair world, it's all about meeting the right people, at the right time, always (always!) knowing who you are.

4 comentários:

  1. Que lindo, que palavras lindas, que amor bonito.

    Eu sou apaixonada por crianças, e escolhei ser au pair não só porque é um dos programas que mais vale a pena, mas por amar trabalhar com crianças. Nem conheço as minhas pessoalmente, mas cada vez que as vejo ou que a host me conta algum progresso fico muito feliz.

    Tenho certeza o quão amada suas crianças são, e quanto elas são felizes de ter vc por perto.

    Muito lindo seu post, parabéns por conseguir se dar tanto, amar tanto.

    Um abraço

    Vanessa

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  2. Muito obrigada, Vanessa! Só por você ter entendido, eu já imagino seu caminho parecido com o meu. Toda a sorte do mundo pra ti! beijos!

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  3. Hello, girl! Oh you have such beautiful feelings for your kids and family. =P It's so cute when I see au pairs who are truly in love with their kids. They're lucky to have you.

    About having kids... I fear I can't have my own, just like you. And that's my biggest fear, because having kids is my biggest dream.

    Hugs hugs,
    Júlia.

    Ps - I'm following you.

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