" It's funny how little you were when you came! You were so little!"
I heard this sentence a few days ago from someone I've known since I first came, 4 years ago. I didn't quite get what she meant but I've been thinking about it. I decided to look at some old pictures from 2007, 2008 and it's amazing how I look younger, but mostly, how I look naive and fragile. Because I was.
I feel such a big difference from the beginning of my 20's to the end of them. And I know how much I've become more mature due to, unfortunately, a lot of bad things. Moving out of Brazil made me who I am today. Everything that happened in Jersey was written with black ink over the previous maturity point, so much and some so boldly and strong that today I'm able to see a thick line that parts me and that I intend to never cross back.
It's noticeable from daily routines to deep feelings, the growth. Before Jersey (BJ), I never thought I would miss, let's see, the beach. I thought of it as too much sun, too much sand and unbearable heat. I hated it, thought it was boring and pointless since I didn't want to be tanned. After Jersey (AJ), my first winter in Jersey, and specially after the last, I absolutely miss not having a determined time of the year (at least not determined by me) to drive one hour to go to the beach. I miss the smell of the ocean and falling asleep on the sand.
Before Jersey, I thought absolutely everything that came out through a child's whole, any whole, was completely disgusting. I didn't want anything to do with it: not to be close, not to smell it, not to touch it (touching it was my worse fear, Oh Gosh, make it a hundred yards far from me). AJ, yeah, I've had everything near, next, and ON me. You name it, I've had it. Why? my sense of responsibility has triplicated, to the point where I would do anything to take proper care of them, including dealing with number one, two, three...or four.
BJ, I never went to bed before 1 am, at least when I only had school. I stayed up late, watched everything on tv, wrote, listened to music. I was pretty much like a freaking vampire, except I didn't look like a cover of seventeen magazine at 8am the next day. I was a night person. I could be a night person. I was the 'I'll sleep when I'm dead" sort of teenager/young adult. I had body strength and energy enough to not need caffeine to even think of what I had to do, let alone do it. AJ, I'm in bed by 11. Yes, sound asleep, and God forbid I have less than 7 hours of sleep. I get dizzy, cranky (ier, okay!), I don't feel like I can do anything and the world is the worse place ever.
to be continued, by her. But I'm preparing more, from me.
